very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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