I have demons in me.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
