I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
There's always time for handjobs
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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