I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Randomize
