Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
