I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
