He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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