In America we eat man semen.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
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