Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Randomize
