Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
