Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Randomize
