If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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