Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
