mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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