If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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