i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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