She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Randomize
