i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
