Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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