Banned from zoo.
Again?
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
