His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
