Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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