I have demons in me.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
