I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Randomize
