May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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