I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
