Your tits are I can't wait for
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
