Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
