I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
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