so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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