Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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