you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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