Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
