I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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