well I can't set my house on fire every night
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
