im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Randomize
