So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
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