My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
