we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
