really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I take back everything I said about communal showers
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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