Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
