I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
