At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
