God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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