I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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