They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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