i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
