he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
