I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Randomize
