Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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