Me too!
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
