If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Randomize
