Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
