So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
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