fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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