Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
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